Life with a toddler

It's been a while since I've posted, obviously. I've noticed lately that when I have downtime, I'm so bone tired, as well as tangled in a brain fog, that I don't have it in me to write, or be creative, or even think clearly. That could be an excuse, but it could also mean that I'm experiencing Life with a Toddler.

I really enjoy having a toddler--a unique little being with a larger-than-life personality, very strong opinions and an ever-evolving sense of adventure. It's also incredibly exhausting. At the end of the day, once I've put him to bed, I am ready to collapse. I'm the kind of tired that comes with hard labor, like moving heavy furniture or working outside, even though I've done nothing of the sort. I wasn't able to figure out exactly why that was until I had this conversation with my husband:

Me: "Why am I so tired at the end of the day?"
Hubs: "Have you heard of combat fatigue?
Me: "I ... guess?"
Hubs: "It's what soldiers have from having to be vigilant all the time, thinking about the dangers they must face from minute to minute." (this is paraphrased because, again, brain fog)
Me: "Oooohhhhh." (Eureka!)

I do have to be vigilant all the time, because the second I'm not, Little Guy will tumble head first off the couch, or fall down the stairs (yes, we have gates, but he still falls sometimes), or stick his hand in the toilet, or toddle toward the street. I try not to be a helicopter mom and avoid intervening when it's unnecessary or spinning into a panic over every minor fall. But toddlers are all curiosity and no common sense, so I'm always on high alert, even when I seem to be at rest. That's exhausting. No wonder I am spent at day's end--I'm on the front lines of the battle to keep my son alive!

That might sound hyperbolic, but it's true.

I worry that I never again will have the energy for creative pursuits, or hobbies, or searching for a job (I've planned to return to work in the fall, but that's fodder for another post), or stringing a coherent sentence together. But I think about what's ahead--in August he'll be starting Montessori school (toddler version) and I'll be working in some form. We will never again have this much concentrated time together. And as tired as I am, I know I will fiercely, deeply miss these days once he's older and his world has become so much bigger than the two of us. This tiring time is a gift, even though it's challenging. That's what I need to remember.

Now if you'll excuse me, it's time for me to collapse. I must rest for tomorrow's battle--er, adventure.